Recently I have been studying a very small group of clients where “nothing” works for them despite them seeming to be very willing. They have similar traits:
- Stubbornness/Determination.
- A VERY STRONG desire for recovery.
- A belief it cannot happen for them.
- They have already seen many therapists who cannot help them or even made it worse.
- A belief this is their last chance and they don’t want to mess it up.
Unfortunately, these traits/beliefs make them sabotage your efforts to help. They won’t do what you ask, they will fight your suggestions, “been there, done this before, didn’t work”, they are busy rehearsing answers rather than listening to you.
It is my findings that it means SO MUCH to them that they really don’t want to co-operate and then have this treatment fail – because then they would lose all hope. They are pre-occupied with failure, because that has been a regular experience in their life. Living in the stress of survival mode doesn’t allow people the luxury of hope. It is difficult for them to provide the positive clarity to resolve this.
Whilst I am still studying this, my suggestion is either to not work with them, or to move to a “let’s see” attitude and really push for the clarity of their intent and for their passion to be focused on a positive outcome. DO NOT OFFER A "NO FEE IF IT DOESN’T WORK". With these clients, that would ensure that it doesn’t work.